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Love and PainThe love of one person,
plus the love of another can be so strong.
That's what I wonder though;
does he really love me?
Does he really care?
I know we are friends,
but does he truly see me there?
The life I live,
is nothing but a lie.
I just look at myself in the mirror...
..and just ask, "Why?"
The hurt on my face..
..the pain in my heart..
It hurts, but I will survive.
All the stars in the sky..
..all the tears burning my eyes..
I can't go on without struggling.
The room's spinning.
My vision's becoming blurred..
DrowningI'm drowning in my own tears.
I try to stay above the waves,
but fail miserably.
This was brought on because of you.
All the yelling,
all the hatred,
all the lies..
..all built up inside of me.
All struggling to get out.
When they finally do,
there's going to be hell to pay.
You are not my role model anymore.
You aren't even a part of my life.
With all of this,
this anger just twisting my heart.
It doesn't make sense..
..all this crap.
I just want to go away.
Go away, and never return.
How's It Going to Be?Battles won;
All the anger & truancies beneath the surface;
they must come out.
When will you tell me how it's going to be?
When you do tell me,
please have the courtesy to say it to my face,
and not over the phone.
I see how easy it is for you to drop me..
..drop me like a lead weight.
It's probably best, though..
..because we'll be on two different continents.
Was I devastated from your call..
..on that stormy summer night?
No; I was more hurt than anything.
It didn't surprise me so much, though.
I knew it was coming, but why now?
I leave for my trip in three weeks for Norway.
StruggleStaring out the window;
trying to find a soul.
Trying to find a happy place,
trying to see myself on the clouds above,
I turn to my mirror and look myself over,
trying to figure out what's missing.
My heart aches.
I try to speak, and yet,
no one hears me.
No one hears my song of sorrow.
Even though my voice,
my cries are unheard..
..I know that I am seen.
Will I be turned away?
..or will I be left standing?
I am alone and broken.
I might not be strong enough to win..
..to win this battle.
ScaredLiving under constant pressure,
never able to be my own person.
Sometimes living under regret.
The threat of constant betrayal always around.
Nothing seems open and free.
Everything is secret and sacred.
I don't want to leave.
I must not leave this place.
I have friends who care about me,
I go to an awesome school,
and people seem to accept me.
Right now though,
All I need is the support of my friends.
I'm so happy to have friends like them.
Sick (A Rant)I'm sick of lies and carelessness, of apologies with no meaning.
I'm sick of writing things for school, about things I don't know about. What does equality mean anymore? What is populism?
What is "the moral equivalent of war," according to philosopher William James? What does it have to do with anything? Yes it's history, and it hurts my brain. What kind of screwball teacher,
with salt-n-pepper hair and beard the likes of Santa, does this to his students? A hair-brained essay 1,000 pages long, due on things we barely know. I'm sick of all of his games. I'm sick of this class, and my teacher. I should've gotten out when I had the chance.
Now I'm drowning in a sea of pointless work. Anyone out there who can help me? ...didn't think so.
Love Is...Love is just this.
When you see me walking down the hall,
You give me a smile.
When we've just walked for a long time,
You pick me up and carry me home . . .
Even if I tell you not to.
I can tell that your feelings towards me,
I know because mine are too.
I gaze into your ice blue eyes
And am instantly lost inside them.
You're the sweetest person I've ever met.
I hope that one day we can be more than . . .
Love is when you care for someone,
And the feeling is mutual with that someone.
Love is love.
That's all it's ever going to be.
Never will it change.
My love for you will never change.
DecideOne fateful day while you were off at bootcamp,
I said goodbye for good.
Our relationship was over, and I thought we both understood.
Now a year or so has passed,
and we still talk sometimes,
but when you talked to me last night,
all the words you said before were lies.
I knew that you were torn, dear brother,
between me and your new love.
Now it's time for you to decide,
to break it off with her or go to me.
I see no point in saying, that you've made a mistake.
This is something you did on your own,
and now how much pain will it make...for her.
Do not apologize to me,
for 'tis not my heart you're breaking.
Look at your new love,
for it is her heart that is aching.
Make a decision, stand firm and true,
for it is the only way I will come back to you.
The Raging WarThere is a battle raging on inside of me.
Shall I go back to the darkness,
where it all began?
Or shall I stay here,
to begin again in the new light?
They all want me in the light...
...my comrades, along with my one love.
Yet something inside of me is nagging,
urging me to go back,
back to the darkness of yesterday.
What do I do?
What real choice do I have?
I'm afraid that if I leave,
I will become one of the ever-forgotten souls.
And if I stay,
I'll never know if the people,
no, the lost souls of my past have changed.
This war will go on forever, I fear...
...but I do not care
ViolinI remember the day
you told me violins
were strung with cat gut
and that is why
you hated music
(who says that to a child?)
I followed you
all that summer.
I watched you
grow away from mother -
your whiskey held better conversations
and all she did was cry.
We'd sit cross-legged on the porch
and count the horseflies
settling on our lunch.
You would drown tadpoles
in a bucket
surprised they could not swim
and I would dream
of cherry popsicles.
And when night would gather
on the sidewalk
I'd hold my breath
until a star appeared.
Don't bother making wishes
you'd tell me -
stars are dead weight in heaven
and God has cloth ears.
My School Says I'm Worthless (sort of a rant)I'm a criminal because my values aren't their values
And I'm scum to say the least
Because I'm not on their list
Ones who have their lives set out
And drink from molten glory raining down from
School top balconies...
And I have myself left to blame for all the non-attempts
And truancies; the bleak distractions
That help me escape the inviolable test-score stares
Of disapproval that I attract from their
And they're forced to ask me 'Why?
Why are you still here?'
And I can barely say
That I'm afraid to leave.
That I know that no-one knows
Or what they want to be
But unlike those
I gave up
A while ago
And they can't tell me to my face that I'm a failure so they heavily imply
That my lacking presence
And even less impressive
Tendency for slacking off is evidence
That I am stupid and a fool and nothing more than such a waste of resources
And it's a disappointment
That I don't hold their ideals
VesselYour heart is a compass.
Broken, perhaps, but I know
It’s always searching for the North Star.
Which way will your beard point tonight?
DanielYou are vertebrae
reinforced with titanium
that does not make you the lesser -
You’ve got the weight of the world
on one shoulder
sometimes you trip because of it -
you’re still walking
and if things fused wrong
post or anterior
and if things fused out in the interior
your circuits live on
and if your thoughts get circular
or so do your moods
and your mind blanks and you forget -
you’re nervous but strong -
then I’ll remind you.
Because you give me
the backbone required
you’re my Atlas, so I lift my head,
you’re my axis, so I can face the future
because you are vertebrae
reinforced with titanium.
You’re my inner strength.
FallingFailure after failure
A life not worth living
Lost in my misery
Long gone are the good moments
I keep falling
Nothing can save me now
Gone my hopes are
Because He'sHe’s listening
Millions of them.
A flash of red
And a navy hat
No warning – now motionless
With skin turned to shadows.
Welcome, December, and to the freezing temperatures you leave in your wake.
Welcome to Jack Frost, forever nipping at my nose.
Welcome, Old Man Winter, who causes the snow to fall, and winds to whistle about me as it forces the snow to slice into the flesh on my face.
Welcome, early sunsets; the night comes too quickly.
Welcome, harvest moons, and your beautiful gold shimmer.
Welcome, old sweaters, large and comfy.
Welcome to large cups of cocoa, coffee, hot cider, or tea;
Whichever warms your soul from the inside, out.
Welcome to night shirts and pants, and oversized, fluffy comforters.
Welcome to late game nights or movie nights with your loved ones.
Welcome to your favorite fuzzy slippers.
Welcome, December … welcome.
(Though, I wish you'd leave soon…)
Keep in Touch!